It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.
~ Maya Angelou
Why should you forgive? After all whatever he/she/they did was not worth pardoning. They deserve your lifelong anger and hatred, don’t they?
Here’s the thing: They did this horrible thing to you. And then you burn in anger and hatred for the rest of your life…meanwhile they are busy enjoying their lives. Who is the one who is really suffering? You. Why would you want to punish yourself with emotional pain, and then illness etc as a result of the emotional pain? It was the other person who made the mistake, right? Why must you punish yourself?
Emotions like anger, grudges, hatred, unforgiveness give birth to a variety of illnesses. It also comes in the way of your success, your happiness. It comes in the way of your own life. Do you really want that?
What forgiveness does not mean: Forgiveness does not mean you need to go hug that person. You don’t need to even send “I love you” notes to them. No need to send flowers either. And no, you don’t need to socialize with them if you don’t want to. For that matter, if you want to remove them from your lives completely, please do so. Because sometimes you need to walk away.
Of course, if you wish to do any of the above — hug, socialize, send flowers etc, go ahead and do it. All I’m saying is, you don’t need to. Forgiveness is something else altogether.
What is forgiveness?
Above all, forgiveness means, you let go of the situation, no strings attached. You let go in such a way that it stops hurting you. THIS is the most important thing.
You stop letting it hurt you. You REFUSE to let someone else’s bad behavior or mistakes hurt you or anger you or affect you anymore, in anyway.
You set yourself free of that situation.
You decide that you will be happy and not let this ruin your life, mood, health, other relationships, happiness, career, or life.
You let go of all your internal dialogues with them where you are forever showing them how wrong they are.
You let go of plans to seek revenge. Because that is a never ending cycle. You seek revenge. They will even out with you. Then you even out with them. Then they will…you get the idea, right?
You let go of wanting bad things to happen to them. Because when you feel such strong emotions for them, you are tying yourself to them. Is that what you really want?
And sometimes, the forgiveness even patches things up between you and them. Of course, that is entirely up to you — do you want to patch up with them or do you want to let go? Sometimes you want things to get better between you two, and sometimes you know that letting go of them and walking away is the best thing you can do.
Additionally, if you can wish them well, and send them love energetically through prayers, you are truly ending this situation.
So I hear you says — Yeah, all that is great, but I feel this emotion so strongly, how CAN I forgive? I want to forgive…but I do not know how to.
There are many ways to forgive:
1. Meditate and bring yourself to a calm place & send them love as energy: If you have a favorite meditation, do that, or else, you could search “meditate” in the search box of my blog, and find my articles on how to meditate. When you are feeling calm, send those people love. Love & hatred cannot co-exist. It will take time. You will need to do it again and again. It eventually takes the sting away, and you can move on with your life.
2. Temple of Heart Meditation: This is a meditation I created with the help of Archangel Michael, and it works very well. I will be talking about it in more detail in the next blog post, as I wish to give all the steps to it. But in short, you talk soul to soul with this person. Tell the person all you want to say (in your mind) – the good, the bad, the ugly. Leave no stone unturned. When you feel you are done, and there is nothing else you can say, you forgive the person, and ask the person to forgive you even if you did nothing wrong. Then you send love to them. And then ask Archangel Michael to cut cords between you two. Finally, let them go. Do this everyday for a few days, and you will reach a point when you feel like all that really does not matter to you anymore. And you will not feel like saying anything anymore. You will feel it is not important anymore. After this, either those people walk out of your life, leaving you in peace, or your relationship heals. My next blog post will be about this meditation. It is important as it ends the karmic challenges between you and the other person.
3. Write a letter to them which you will never send: Pour your heart out to them in this letter. Write all that you can. Pour out your anger there. Cry as much as you want to. Do not try to be nice or correct. The point is to actually express your anger FULLY. At some point during the writing, you might even feel the anger rise so much that you will feel monstrous. Do not worry. Just continue. It is right after this “monster phase” that the healing will take place. After a while you will feel “done”. Like you have taken out all the poison from within you. Burn the letter then, and release it all to the Divine. You will feel a lot lighter. You will actually feel like a weight has been lifted. Try it. And if you feel the anger return, repeat the exercise.
4. EFT Tapping: This is my all time favorite tool. EFT means “Emotional Freedom Technique”. And this tool is very effective in doing just that. I will be writing about this process of forgiving in another blog post. Next Tuesday I’ll write about the “Temple of Heart” meditation, and I’ll write about “EFT for forgiveness” the Tuesday after that.
Do you wish to volunteer and work on forgiving someone on a video with me? I will lead you through this process, and will record the whole thing. I will then post it with “EFT for Forgiveness” blog post. If this is alright with you, please let me know in the comment section.
If you found this article helpful, please share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn etc, and share the love. 🙂 And as always, I would love to read your comments! 
What a great article Swati!! You broke down a complicated concept and made it easy to see the whys and a couple of great tips on how…and with more to come! Thank you so much for your wisdom on this topic. So many posters on forgiveness but it can be so difficult to do…but it is necessary as you say for our own inner peace.
Thank you Kay! :-)))) Yes it is an issue I guess I am getting a Ph.D on because of my own problems with it, and then overcoming it. The anger and resentment was eating me up. Making me ill too. I needed to set myself free. So I thought it might be nice for others too :-).
I have tried and prayed about forgiving my ex-husband for several years. I have written and burned the letter. I have come to in
Newest and completely that my anger toward him hurts only me. He is happily living his life and I am miserable, broken and stuck. I know that my enduring anger masks the pain of his betrayal and the loss of everything that made my life worth living for nearly thirty years. I will read and attempt to follow the steps in your upcoming post, but today I cry again recalling / re telling this crap all over again .
Teresa, it is easy to forgive. Do you want to be featured on my blog via video if we do a free session together? Our session will help others learn how to forgive when they watch the video. I’d love to see you free from it all. Hugs!
I have tried to forgive certain people in my life ,unfortunately it hasn’t happened! I can’t get to that place of forgiveness! I’ll try again, the way you have posted! I have a deep anger in me ,it sometimes consume me ! No one knows what I’m feeling inside ! I don’t trust people much ! I’m very tightly close in ! I’m going to follow your post and see if they can help me ! Thank you !
Yes do give it a good try. If you still don’t find relief, let me know.
Thank you so much! Your timing us impeccable! I am struggling SO much with my adult children. I’ve always been a Mom. And darn proud of it. I made my existence about being the best Mom I could be. My children (25, 23 & 19) are taking me for granted, disrespectful, using me, flat out cruel, etc. While u realize I have responsibility in these issues, it’s so hard to break the cycle. I’m having difficulty dealing with the hurt, the anger &the resentment. I have been stuck in trying to make them see the error in their ways. I’m human, I have made mistakes, but I loved them with everything I had. How can they treat their mother this way?? I have been praying & souls searching….looking for a way to let go of said anger & resentment. To deal with the hurt with grace & dignity. But I’m floundering. As you stated, it IS effecting my health, relationships & work. As I’m self employed & a single income family, I simply can’t have that. I am (and I don’t like this word) desperate for help!! For guidance! I love your articles & would love to be a part of the book study, video, whatever. I am 45. I have devoted my life to others. I want a life for me now. I want peace and happiness. I fewl i deserve it. Ive never been truly happy, besides the tearing of my children. But they are grown & I’ve previously discussed how that’s going. I need to find my center and get on the right path. Any advice or ideas would be appreciated more than you know. Thank you so much!
Dear Dana, I feel for you. Would you email me please from the “contact page” so we can talk about this?
Pardon the type o’s! Much passion while typing!
**while I realize I have responsibility
**I feel I deserve it
**rearing of my children
I understood it all…so no worries :-)).
if its free i would be happy to participate
Yes it is free.
Absolutely love this article – can’t wait to read more. Thank you for sharing ..
Thank you so much Maureen! :-)))
Good morning! Years ago I listened to a cd set called “Wisdom of the Cells” by Bruce Lipton. Your overall mental view of things actually controls how your cells react within you. Secondly, harboring hatred and anger toward someone, doesn’t hurt them as much as it hurts you! Thirdly, quantum physics tells us that we live in a holographic universe meaning that all we perceive is an illusion and the only thing that is real is our consciousness. Fourthly, I believe in karma. What you send out eventually returns to its source. If you can’t forgive, you can’t receive forgiveness for your mistakes. Lastly as so often posted on facebook, you forgive not because someone else deserves to be forgiven, but because you deserve the peace. I know I’ve strung quite a few concepts together, but this is how I’m living. It’s a learning process. Everything that happens either teaches a lesson or provides a lesson to teach another. It us truly all about love. Where hatred and fear resides, love can not be a part of that equation. Where love lives, the only thing that resides with love is forgiveness. Thank you for your lessons and insight.
One Love, Peace. Namaste!
Harold
Yep, you are absolutely right. Thank you for your beautiful comment Harold.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share!
You are always welcome to do so! :-))))
Thank you for such encouraging words .. It’s answered all but one thing I struggle with. I did something a long time ago that a friend was very upset about, I’ve changed a lot in order to gain her trust and forgiveness but it’s still held over me and brought up as this terrible thing I did. What more can I do to be truly forgiven?
Laura, first forgive yourself. Can you do that? Would you like to work with me on a free session, and agree to post that video on my blog? Let me know :-).
This sounds wonderful. Struggling with the fears of forgiveness from a relationship. Fear of letting go for my own freedom. I will help in any way!!
Can you help with separation with twin flame relationship? Regarding forgiveness? I’m in Reiki 1, very spiritual, having very difficult time with forgiveness in this heart wrenching relationship. Thank you
Angela, do you mean you wish to forgive him, but are unable to? Would you like to sign up for a forgiveness session with me?
Yes, you should forgive. By forgiving someone you open the door to your own forgiveness. You are not really doing anything to the person you are harboring these feelings toward, but you are hurting yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. You can’t change anyone but yourself. Lastly I’ve read you don’t forgive them because they deserve it, you forgive them because you deserve the peace!
You’re absolutely right Harold. Thanks for commenting. Hugs!
I didn’t realize that I had already responded until I had submitted a second response. I am thankful for the consistency in my way of thinking. Thank you again for an opportunity to express in this forum. One Love, Peace! Namaste!!
No problems! I will always love to hear from you. 🙂