(Video at the end of the article)
You feel like your world has crashed around you. You feel this hollowness inside. And you feel like you don’t want to continue with life because your heart hurts so much. You feel alone. You feel abandoned. You feel rejected. Your heartbreak is so great you can feel your heart aching physically. You can’t stop crying. You want to scream loudly and cry. It feels unfair. Why did it happen to you? How could he/she love you and then just walk away? Like you mean nothing at all.
Yes I know how it feels to be left heartbroken because of someone. It happens to all of us at some time or another. That someone could be someone you are in love with, or could be a close friend or family member. The pain of abandonment and rejection is hard. And you lose all joy from your life.
Don’t feel upset with yourself for feeling upset. Now most of you who have been following my work on my Facebook page or here on my blog know this about me — I truly believe no one else has the key to my happiness. I am responsible for my own happiness. Yet, that said, I know that when matters of heart are involved, emotions are so strong, that one can’t help but feel devastated. So, first of all, if you are feeling upset with yourself for feeling upset, let yourself off the hook. 🙂 Emotions are emotions. They can overpower you. Forgive yourself for feeling this way.
Do EFT Tapping. This is one of the strongest, most powerful ways to quickly heal your emotions. And by “quickly”, I mean minutes. I use EFT very extensively for my emotions, physical pain, success, beliefs changing, as well as in my Life Coaching sessions for my clients. I have added a video at the end of this article where I show a part of a session I recently had with a client to help her heal herself after her boyfriend told her he was no longer in love with her. She was so depressed, she had turned to alcohol again. But after the session she felt so good she didn’t need the alcohol. In fact she was thinking in another direction — what wonderful things she could do with her life. Watch this video at the end of the article, see how fast she goes from feeling heartbroken & devastated to feeling happy. Tap along with us, replacing our words with your own words that describe your feelings. But make sure you focus on the emotional pain you are feeling while you tap.
Make peace with letting go of this person. Do not hang on to the hope that he/she will take you back. If you both ever come back together, make sure it is because they truly value you. Please do not beg them or plead with them. That never works. You will end up lowering your value and dignity further. Besides, you should work on realizing what a wonderful person you are, and how your self-worth is not tied to the whims and fancies of another.
Make a list of people who do care for you. When you are left heartbroken by someone, it feels like you are left alone, and no one cares. But you know that is not true. Each person has someone who cares. Make a list of everyone (human or animal) who cares for you. You will feel a lot better, and a lot less alone.
Write a goodbye letter to them and burn it. Write down everything you want to say to this person. Leave no stone unturned. Do not be politically correct. You will never send this letter to them (don’t send it because it won’t help). Pour your heart out. Tell them you are letting go of them. And if you feel angry with them, write that down too. Anger can be used very constructively at times. 🙂 When you feel complete, and feel you cannot write anymore and you feel you have emptied out everything from within you, write in BOLD BIG letters: “GOODBYE!!!” across the paper. Burn this paper, and ask God, your angels, or whatever Higher Power you believe in, to take it away from you, and leave you free. You will feel better. Repeat this process if you need to.
Write a gratitude list. And really this is not some silly exercise. Long back I used to think it was a waste of time. 🙂 But when I started doing it, I saw what a difference it made. There is a scientific explanation for this. Just the act of making your mind think about things you can be grateful for starts a process in your brain. When you are working on figuring out what you can be grateful for, and feeling grateful for those things and people, the act itself raises the feel-good neurotransmitters – Serotonin & Dopamine. Various studies have been conducted on the effect of gratitude on Serotonin and Dopamine. Apart from making you happy, gratitude makes you a more determined person, reduces stress levels, helps you sleep better, reduces anxiety & depression. It really does work!
Find yourself again. Very often we, especially women, get so lost in loving another, making our lives revolve around others, that we forget ourselves. We even forget what we really love doing by ourselves. And losing oneself is one of the worst things we can do to ourselves. So take the time to care for yourself, fall in love with yourself — re-discover yourself! Answer for yourself — what do you love doing?
Learn a new craft/hobby. This is not just a distraction method. When we do something new, when we learn something new, our brain goes through a re-wiring process that helps us feel much better. Think of what you would like to learn, and join a class. If possible, join a class you will need to go to physically. Going and meeting new people is very helpful too.
No matter what, do not isolate yourself. Very often when we are sad, we want to sit alone at home and mope. Give yourself a day or two officially to feel sorry for yourself. Cry. Scream. Eat ice-cream. But after two days, force yourself to get out, and do things, meet people.
Watch happy movies. We gravitate towards sad movies, sad songs when we feel heart broken. Stay away from sad movies and songs. Watch happy, funny things. Listen to upbeat and uplifting songs.
Meet your friends and tell them you need to pour your heart out. Then do it. There will always be someone who will give you time to hear you out. Talk talk talk. But do not do this forever. After a few days, make sure you meet your friends to do fun things.
Exercise. This is another activity that helps raise the happy feeling neurotransmitters — Serotonin and Dopamine. It also helps raise your self esteem which has taken a beating.
Work with a Life Coach. If you feel you are unable to beat this by yourself, do not spend more time feeling sad. There is nothing wrong in getting help. A life coach can help you set new affirmative goals for your life, help you find what brings you joy, help you rediscover yourself, help you work on your beautiful life path, get over your heart break, and help you truly live your life. Give yourself about 6 months to work diligently with your life coach…and transform your life. You know, oftentimes, a heartbreak can be the biggest catalyst to amazingly positive transformations in life. Rebuild your life so beautifully that you will actually turn back and say, “Thank you for the heartbreak…I am now in a MUCH better place that I ever was”. See it as an exciting opportunity to turn your life around.
Do you have any questions for me? Write down here in the comments section, and I will surely get back to you.
This process was really helpful! I did it on my own personal experience, changing the words to apply to my issue, and by the end of the tapping session, I felt so much better! I was feeling happy & even grateful for the experience that before had caused me so much pain. Thank you, Swati!
Swati Nigam says
((((Dumari)))) Thank you! Sending you soooo much love!
ANUJ PANDIT says
I just want to be the part of your system
Swati Nigam says
Part of what system Anuj?
ANUJ PANDIT says
just to make practical of your posted inspiring & motivating thoughts. Means to practically motivate & inspire to live audience. Different workshops at different places.